Watching Steve Aiken, new Leader of the UUP interviewed by Mark Caurruthers was “car crash” television. Easily the worst interview I have ever seen.

He is in the job less than a week and I suppose we should allow for that. He was a captain of a submarine in the British Navy and maybe “car crash” is bit harsh. More accurately it was like a submarine had dived before the hatch was closed.

Those of us of a certain vintage might remember “Take Your Pick” a quiz show on Friday night which had a segment called the “Yes No Interlude”. Contestants had to survive a minute without saying “Yes”, “No” or “Know” or nod or shake their heads. This is the only explanation for Aiken avoiding giving a straight answer.

More interestingly Aiken had said that the UUP would put up a candidate in North Belfast in next month’s election. And then the loyalist paramilitaries said that this was a very bad idea as it would split the unionist vote. So now the UUP are not standing after all.

Do submarines have a reverse gear?

Is the UUP submarine “Yellow”?

It just looks “Yellow”…it is actually “Orange”.

They all like in an Orange Submarine…an Orange Submarine…an Orange Submarine.