I think I have worked out how Mairtin O’Muilleoir is Mayor of Belfast and I am not Mayor of Belfast.
Its…Twitter.
He has 7,000 odd Followers and follows over 5,000.
I…a testament to my popularity …have just 52 followers.
The key is to be unremittingly NICE to people. At a pinch…I CAN be nice. Basically if I am nice to just one thousand people, I can cobble together a quota at the next Council Elections.
To be unremittingly nice to ordinary punters…I could probably do that.
But there are other key demographics out there. Journalists…Id have to be nice to that shower of miserable no-marks. How does Mairtin do that? I suppose it helps that he is a journalist. But I am a Blogger which is better than a Journalist.
Id also have to re-invent myself as a Renaissance Man. Start going to Art Exhibitions, Plays and all that Crap. Although it is probably better if I avoid calling it all Crap. Thats no way to get votes of Belfasts amazingly talented (so they say) painters, poets, photographers, writers, balloon blower uppers, three card trick, “can I have an Arts Council Grant please?” types.
I will develop my Man of the People persona.
There are two ways to do this.
One is to take up an activity such as Cycling or Jogging.
This immediately would make me a kindred spirit of all cyclists and joggers. As a hobby, Cycling has more street cred than Pigeon Racing. But the downside of Cycling and Jogging as “activities” is that they are far too “active”.
The alternative is Football. I dont have to pretend to like Manchester United or Celtic… And I could work on an interest in Cliftonville but actually giving à tinkers curse about Glentoran, Crusaders and Linfield is beyond my usually limitless Hypocrisy.
Of course…there has to be an element of “New Man” which means learning something about Ice Hockey so that I can go and watch the Belfast Giants.
I will tweet every restaurant I visit….95% of the time its McDonalds anyway. But I will be sure to name-check the staff.
What matters is that I get a quota to get me into City Hall and the Mayors Parlour.
The Campaign begins….NOW…or possibly later.
Keeping An Eye On the Czar of Russia 
Mayor-to-be, you could always change the voting criteria so that anyone of Irish descent, no matter where they live, could vote in the Mayoral elections. I’ll drum up the Irish support in dear Scotia for you.
That would be nice…but Mayor-to-be might be a bit premature.
Are there any Celtic supporters in Scotland?
I have a Celtic top and can post cute pics of my grandsons.
And I can re-tweet Celtic scores.
Yes…excellent idea Theresa.
I will mention you in my victory speech.
The West of Scotland is full of Celtic supporters. There’s even a few, including myself, in my street. One are in Glasgow celebrates its Irish Heritage by flying the tricolour most of the year round. I’m sure I could persuade all of them that you would make an excellent mayor. Pics of yourself in Celtic top and your wonderfully cute grandsons would seal it with the Celtic fans, I’m sure. Maybe a youtube video of yourself and said grandsons singing some songs such as ‘Your land is my land; Let the people sing’ etc would go down well, too.
There’s no need to mention me in your victory speech, but an invitation to your inauguration would be nice. Will there be vol au vents?
No vol-au-vents.
Its a matter of principle.
There will of course be wee sausages on wee sticks.
And three will be potato salad, coleslaw AND that wee spicy rice thing. Classy.
Thank goodness. I would not come if there were vol-au-vents. I look forward to the wee sausages on sticks. I wont stick my pinkie out, though, whilst eating them.